Top was October of 2009 at 230lbs. Bottom was July 2012 at 180lbs. This is a 50lb+ difference. I’m 5’6”. I am type 2 diabetic, so weight loss was never an option for me. Still ongoing, of course!
I absolutely love my body now and if I never lost another pound, I’d be fine with that, though. Just throwing that out there.
So yeah, this will be a bit of a rant, but roll with me on this one.
I never knew how easy dieting and losing weight could be until I got my heart broken for the first real time. I hate myself for feeling this way because I knew it would happen eventually, but I didn’t think it would hurt this bad. And it would be a lot better for me if the guy was a total douchebag but he’s not, unfortunately.
He’s an amazing, funny, smart, informed adult who I just simply cannot be with. He has a girlfriend in another country, and even though he tells me that he wants to be with me I know he’ll never leave her. He loves her and not me, simple as that. He brought her to the states recently and told my friend (who is the girlfriend of his best friend, and also the owner of the house in which she stayed) that he wants to marry her.
I would like the pain to end at some point, but right now I’m not sure it’s going to. I mean, it’s going to eventually, but I can’t seem to shake that awful “he’s really in love with me and will leave her and we’ll live happily ever after” feeling, which is the absolute worst. I am an intelligent girl and know somewhere in my brain that it can’t work, but I simply can’t help myself.
In a weird way I kind of like this feeling. I understand that sounds weird, but it’s a relief to me to know that I feel something for someone else, because that means I can feel something for a better someone else in the future. I wish the future would hurry the fuck up and get here already, though.
YAY!! Little less than 2 pounds to go!!